Thursday, March 7, 2013

I'm so lucky...

Actually I truly am... I'm not even being sarcastic (yet).

I was watching "Celebrity Wife Swap" -- featuring Coolio and Mark McGrath when I realized my husband may (as a father) just be a cross between Mark McGrath and Hank Baskett Jr. (That's totally a compliment to those guys-- and mine, but it was an interesting realization, nevertheless.) 

Nevertheless, this is my moment to admit: I am terrified of potty-training my daughter. The stupidest (and, admittedly most embarrassing) part is that I did no more than show her a DVD (Elmo's Potty Time) to initiate the process-- she did the rest herself. 

And yet, I'm dragging my feet and it makes me feel like a terrible mother. Will my daughter's future be jeopardized by my willingness to let her stew in her own diapers  after the age of 18mos? (She was 19 mos as of yesterday, so I suppose it's all over now...)

The kids is LITERALLY potty-training herself (I realize this may sound like bragging, but please believe me when I say it's an admission of guilt and laziness). She strips down and screams for the "potty" when she's gotta go in the evenings --and as long as we  follow suit she "goes" in the potty. 

BUT. This means my life is going to get more difficult. Yet again. 

It turns out the rhyme is VERY incorrect. 

First comes LOVE (okay, this is TOTALLY true in my case). My mom always thought it was weird because I had a decidedly "business-like" attitude toward my romantic relationships. And yet, I believe I've experienced more happiness in my 31 years than she has in 52. Boo-yah? Still, I truly loved my husband before we were engaged/married/with child. And it was FAB.

Then comes marriage. Ahhhhh. Our marriage ceremony (and resultant reception) was perfecto. I laughed. He tried not to because he was all worried. We didn't each other as well then as we do now. (Now I know not only that he was thinking of movies, but the ones he was most likely running through his mind as we wed. Then, I knew he was not laughing nervously-- like moi.) Though we had our fair share of bumps and hills through the first years of marriage we eventually made it to our year of perfection. A year if perfection my husband thinks we may never again achieve. However, I know that can;t be true since neither one of us considers divorce a true option unless the other falls out of (true) love... and by that I mean decides to be a complete asshole. (Which could totally happen on either end, but I prefer to believe it will not.)

Then comes baby. After just about a year, a lot of worry on my part, and a few fertility tests... we conceived a beautiful, funny, incredibly and utterly OBSTINATE, girl-child. She's awesome, and amazing. And, she changed our lives forever. Only not in the way you normally hear. In fact, three specific ways she's changed our agenda:

#1 - Our child is a total cock-block. She's amazing and all of the things attached, but in terms of being a champion of our parental relationship: she is no such thing (just ask the husband when he's at home). 

#2 - My husband loves our daughter, and tells me about it now... because he didn't quite love her in the same way when she was born. (Refer to #1.)

#3 - Our baby is an attention-whore. I love her, she's the fuit of my womb, but she sucks all of the attention either one of us has to give right out of our very beings. Ugh! The first time the husband came home to us and didn't say hi to me first I freaked out. Now I realize it's part of her evil plan to divide and conquer (I now do it too!)

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