Monday, July 2, 2012


When my daughter was born, I quickly realized the vernacular of parenthood.

And, much to my (VERY immature and inappropriate) delight, I found that as long as I kept my mind in the gutter there was no end to the ensuing hilarity.

To make matters worse, the husband constantly points out baby-related slip-ups by simply saying "phrasing".  It is surprisingly effective at making me simultaneously cringe and laugh.

A great example of similarly terrible phrasing. 

*Before continuing on, I must warn you: my humor is completely tasteless and juvenile.*

Below, a retrospective: some unfortunate examples of my motherly "phrasing" as spoken to my young daughter:

"If you would just put it in your mouth and keep it there, you would be quiet and happy." -- A frustrated me to my crying four months old upon spitting out her pacifier yet again.

"She'll totally put anything in her mouth." -- In reference to my daughter's attempts at putting everything into her mouth as she began to crawl and further explore the world around her.

"She spent a TON of time on her back." -- Explaining to friends/family what exacerbated the severe shape our daughter's already flat head when she was diagnosed with plagiocephaly and eventually fitted for a helmet to reshape that flat little head.

"All you need to do is suck on it and swallow." -- My words to the little girl child during her first few attempts at using a straw.

To all the parents out there, have you ever found yourself accidentally in mid-double-entendre when speaking to your child?

For more blog posts about humor check out the NaBloPoMo Blog Roll on BlogHer. 

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