Thursday, July 12, 2012

Kids (and students) Just Don't Understand...

Huffington Post featured a blog post by a young man, Sam Koppelman, entitled "Parents Just Don't Understand" in honor(?) of the Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff's twenty-four year old (ahhh!) hit. After ten years of teaching, thirteen in education, and giving birth to (and parenting) a girl-child (so-far)... my response:

1. KIDS just don't understand that we know not all teens like Justin Bieber and One Direction.
Kids, in our day there was Boyz II Men, New Kids on the Block, and N'Sync (or Back Street Boys.. depending on your allegiance). There was also: The Descendants, Rancid, Bad Religion, Blink, and Green Day. We KNOW not every teen LOVES Bieber and One Direction... but they ARE super dreamy. 
2. KIDS just don't understand that we know they know we weren't perfect in high school, either.
Kids: we get super mad at you for two reasons: #1 (and the MOST important)- we don't sleep unless you're safe at home; and, #2 - we DID go out in high school, so we know EXACTLY what you're doing. Major ICK factor on all counts. You've seen the hair from the eighties... but have you seen the greasiness of the early nineties or the greasiness combined with hairspray of the late nineties? OMG. We weren't even the generation that invented the "out past curfew boots"... our parents did that.  
3. KIDS just don't understand that we KNOW we don't need to apologize for cursing...
Kids, we know you know curse words. We prefer to think otherwise (most of the time), but if you really think about it... you know that we know. You probably heard us say them before you heard them elsewhere... and (for the most part) we're okay with that. We taught you because we KNEW you needed them... and not just for test scores and annoying classes, but also for: when you learn to drive, breaking up with girl/boy friends, and college acceptance. And you thought we didn't care...
4. KIDS just don't understand that we know they've heard worse than Howard Stern.
Similarly, kids, we know we don't have to change the channel on the radio or the TV whenever Howard Stern comes on the screen. We know that you can stream his radio show or watch America's Got Talent on the computer. We could all enjoy Howard together... if we all enjoyed Howard. Even MY dad was over Howard by the time I was into him... and now that I'm over him, I think my kid should be too. Oh well. 
5. KIDS just don't understand that we know they don't "Twitter," they "Tweet".
Oh jeez. Get over your (thought to be) neologisms... most of the in-the-know peeps are at least in their thirties... yep, their THIRTIES. To twitter means: to give a call consisting of repeated light tremulous sounds. For examples see your TWITTER page. BTW-- Kids: you should never say you're going to "text" someone (it's a noun) or you will "Facebook" someone (it's a proper noun and should be two words)... OR, you should because you're kids and that's what you're not paid to do. 
6. KIDS just don't understand why we wouldn't want to them to make their photos look "old."
Kids: you're entirely correct. We are SO self-conscious about aging. (Or, at least most of us are.) That's totally normal! But seriously, when you make photos look old on Instagram or Hypstamatic, you aren't giving yourselves wrinkles and turning your hair gray: aging photos and aging middle-aged parents are not the same thing,  you make your photos black and white because old photos look cool... unlike old people. And we know that. Too well. 
7. KIDS just don't understand that a movie being rated "R" doesn't mean we don't know you won't go see it.
Seriously, kids, do you really think we don't know you go to see the films we wish you didn't?  As much as YOU like acronyms (LOL, OMG, JK) please realize they are NOT a secret language (I figured this out in 5th grade... possibly a little "L8" for my generation). R-U-2-Q-T2C-U-4-R-A-Q-T?! W8-4-Me! OMG LOL ROTL LMAO!!! Really?
8. KIDS (usually boy-kids, but still) just don't understand that we find it creepy when they start to like the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.
Kids: we know you don't need any endorsements (ESPECIALLY boy-children) however; we would LOVE to think (especially moms) that you DO want us to give you the go-head. Just PLEASE keep those mags outta my sight when I come to clean your room. Thanks.

9. KIDS just don't understand that we know that they know what going away to "celebrate our anniversary" means.
This is just to bug you, so no further explanation needed. Ew.
10. KIDS just don't understand that we honestly do love them.
No matter how annoying they are or how much they don't understand, we know how much they love us. And we love them back!


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