Monday, June 11, 2012

Top 10 Reasons why I Think the Zombie Apocalypse is Probably Upon Us [Updated]

Updates since 6.11.12
A pair of lungs were found on a South LA sidewalk, although the lungs turned out to be of non-human origin does anyone really know what zombie DNA looks like? Plus, finding a pair of lungs is just incredibly disturbing. Where is the rest of the creature those lungs came from?

Sadly, a small child was killed by a falling tombstone in North Carolina. Don't zombies tend to come from the graves in which they are originally buried?

Also, on August 6, 2010, a baby pronounced dead after his premature birth, awoke at his own funeral. Happy for the family, a teeny bit creepy in terms of zombie apocalypse.

Original Post:
10) The film Zombieland, shared with us a good number of the rules to follow. If people had been following said rules more closely, they may have been able to survive their attackers.  I mean, take a look at some of these rules, they just make good life sense, if not afterlife sense:
#1 - Cardio
#2 - The Double Tap
#3 - Beware of Bathrooms
#4 - Seat Belts
#6 - The Skillet
#7 - Travel Light(ly)
#8 - Get a Kickass Partner
#17 - Be a Hero
#18 - Limber-up
#22 - When in doubt, know your way out
#29 - The Buddy System
#31 - Check the Backseat
#32 - Enjoy the Little Things

9) The famous zombie movies: Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Dawn of the Dead (1978), have given zombies ample time to study the archetype and finally get it right.

8) Zombies have been around since Shelley's Frankenstein, and have only become more popular since then. (Could this mean the population has just been growing?) Zombies are even becoming more commonplace on television with the AMC show The Walking Dead. Indoctrination by reintroducing zombies to the mainstream... and those guys are supposed to be baser human forms of the un-dead. Ha!

7) Some people are really so stupid as to think dressing up like a zombie in Miami is a good idea right now. (I know it's Florida, but come on!)

6) There have been no less than ten recent attacks purported to having been caused by zombies, including: the grisly Canadian murder by porn actor Luke Rocco Magnotta (from what I understand there is question as to where the head of his victim may have been sent),  a naked man's face chewed off by a man named Rudy Eugene (who was also suspected of being high on "bath salts", though no bath was seen nearby). Wayne Carter of Hackensack, New Jersey threw pieces of his own intestines at police officers after stabbing himself some fifty times (and was still difficult to subdue). Baltimore man, Alexander Kinuya, recently slayed and ate (parts of) his roommate. And most recently, a Louisiana man, Carl Jacquneaux, was arrested for biting off part of another man's face.

5) As of today, there has been a real-life run on "zombie bullets". If you're thinking what I'm thinking, here's a link to their webpage for the Z-max (zombie) bullets: http://www.hornady.com/store/Z-MAX-Bullets

4) In 2011the CDC released a Zombie Preparedness PSA, seems like they knew something was going on.

3) Even though many of these attacks are credited to bath salt use, none of the bath salt side effects include "taste for human flesh".

2) The CDC has recanted their original Zombie Apocalypse warnings, referring to them as a "joke". Let's be honest, if the government is taking back what they've already said existed... we're probably in for it. Even Steven Colbert thinks the CDC's statement is "suspicious".

1) It's just too coincidental for my taste. It isn't the violence, but the starkly bizarre nature of each attack that just screams that the zombie apocalypse is near!

Do you believe the zombie apocalypse is imminent?

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